and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
