I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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