Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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