peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
