Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
