There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize