Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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