TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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