He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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