I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
