We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
