plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
