she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
