i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
