i permit you to call me
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
