: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
