I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
