Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
