Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
