well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
