Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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