He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
