Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
