When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize