Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize