when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
