You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize