i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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