I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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