I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
