It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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