she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize