my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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