then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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