Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
