Your face is a jimmy john
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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