You're completely useless in the revolution.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
