watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
