that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
