she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
"it" just moved
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
PANTIES FOUND
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize