I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Randomize
