I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
