There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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