Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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