margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
