She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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