Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
