I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
