she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
what day is it and did you see me today?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
