you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
