I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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