Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
