1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
