if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize