Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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