I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
