This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
