I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
