I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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