apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
