Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
