3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
