I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
