Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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