Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
