i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
