Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
