went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize