ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize