Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
