So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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