tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
