break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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